If you’re on the Chinese mainland and have recently been wishing to visit websites in lands beyond, you’ve no doubt noticed that internet maintenance has slowed many sites to a crawl. No surprise here, we netizens have long grown accustomed to internet maintenance efforts that coincide with important political events, as well as unimportant non-events.

So at present, with 十八大 (the 18th National Congress of the Communist Party of China) in full swing, it shouldn’t be the least bit surprising that the government has also redoubled efforts on other business, including internet maintenance.

Still, like the Beijing cab driver complaining about traffic, I found myself muttering unharmonious thoughts to a friend when a site didn’t open in timely fashion.

“Have you tried doing a search for 十八大?”

“Huh?”

“Yeah. Just do a search for 十八大 first, then try your website. As long as it’s not fully blocked, it should speed up your connection.”

“Ah, like a little peace offering to the great Nanny in the ether?”

“Exactly!”

Well, it might’ve been coincidence, but my next attempt to subversively access my gmail account went right through.  Holy net nanny, Batman!

As it turns out, grizzled veterans of the internet here have long been aware of the “peace offering” approach. Our own Sima says his standard keyword is 新华, for example.

Sinoglot statisticians are still debating whether the peace offering approach has a measurable effect, but I’ll be eagerly monitoring the comments for the perfect phrase. I’m sure our valiant readers will have it: a phrase that works like a parchment stamped with the emperor’s seal; a phrase more effective than incense or paper money; a phrase that proves beyond a doubt that the searcher is a Friend of China, worthy of being allowed past any maintenance blockages that might otherwise have slowed their passage.